Lightbulb Road might seem like a strange name, but it is so fitting to my journey—both as a writer and as a person with anxiety.
Although I grew up in a happy, two-parent home, anxiety has been my constant companion in life. My earliest memories include panic attacks while I was still small enough for my mother to bathe me in the kitchen sink. This hair washing induced panic (aka fear of drowning) continued throughout my toddler and early school years. By the time I was four, recurring nightmares had added themselves to my emotional overwhelm.
And then I turned 7.
Three things happened that year: (1) my family moved from rural Missouri to rural Pennsylvania; (2) a few months into living in my new home, a panic attack hit me so hard that I felt like I was about to die; and (3) I wrote my first poem. It may seem trivial, but as soon as the words formed themselves on the page, I knew I could say more with my pen than I ever could out loud. From that day on, I dreamed of becoming a published author.
It would be 32 more years until my anxiety disorder was diagnosed, but without realizing I needed it, writing became my therapy. When third grade left me constantly worrying that my heart and lungs were shutting down, when nightlights still weren’t enough to help me sleep in sixth grade, when ninth grade sleepovers added horror stories and movies to my recurring nightmare cycles, I would sit up in a tree or by our creek or in my room and write my heart out.
Through it all, getting published felt as unattainable as getting through one day without a panic attack. Then in 2011, I finally wrote my first picture book manuscript. The result? More overwhelm. I hadn’t gone to school to learn how to write for real, and I had no idea what it took to get published. But I wanted so bad to figure it all out.
Since then I have learned a lot—about getting published, about living with anxiety, and about how both paths became hopelessly tangled up along the way. This learning has helped me to finally start moving my writer’s journey forward. A few of my manuscripts have even gained traction with some recent awards.
My hope for this blog is to share the Lightbulb Moments that have helped me to navigate the writer’s journey as a person with anxiety. As you read, I hope you will discover the lightbulbs on your own path, and I hope they will help you to walk both roads—your creative dreams and your mental/emotional health needs—in a less tangled way.
When did you first know that you wanted to be a writer? How has anxiety or another mental/emotional health need impacted your writing journey?
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Kristen C. Strocchia—Children's Writer & Speaker 